I am so impressed by Photoshop. WOW ok. You can do wonders la but too bad I wasnt paying attention when the tutorial is being conducted. How to when Fumakillaz-TZ (a pesticide, fyi) was being sprayed into the air, when video taking was so hilarious, when jeans was being further torn into a T shape, when finding french meanings seems more intriguing, when a commercial that goes ummm-ah was being shown. I pity the lecturer, Mr Irfan-Irritants. haha.

Ili slept over at my place. Kelakarrr la. Talked and talked and talked, laughed and laughed and laughed. Ade hati nak makan breakfast kat Mc D, at last dua-dua terlajak. hah. Should do this again. This time more people-ss.

SPCA trip for Sharifah's project was fun. Reason, you should see all the cute cats and dogs. And Ive overcome my fear and touched pretty Sophie. All the cats are soo super super cute seh. Blue-eyed Amber, Naughty Jerald, Shy Wonder. Yes, they have names.

Ive met the bestfriends eventhough it was only for lunch. So many things to be updated in a short short time. I came down for Mal's match and instead of paying attention to the game, I was busy looking at cute boys. hahaha. Meet you girls soon ok. And I mean soon. 2 hr meetings = never cukup.

And to Ali, Happy 18th Birthday! May you be in the pink of health and your wishes come true especially "the interviews". hah.

=)

and the year is coming to an end. goodbye 2005, hello 2006. im looking forward to a brand new year. No new year resolutions for me cause I never seems to stick to it. hah. Well, all I ever wish for is to put on a smile always and go through the journey with my family and friends, no matter the situation. i love them so much.


Life is ever so strange

It's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up sometimes you're down
Don't be scared, don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget its just a ride

There's no getting off so live it
Just gotta go with it
'Cause this rides, never gonna stop


Im sliding on the rainbows of my childhood dreams.

SNT photoshoot was a blast. I had fun. Feeling ala ala model. Satu-satu cute ok. So many picture taking in one day, snap and snap and snap. After photoshoot pun kiter masih ambik gambar banyak-banyak. hehe. Best la.

Movie marathon which only consists of A movie was a-OK. Fighting Tempations was a very nice movie. Bumper car ride was super fun eventhough Ive got myself a new collection of bruises. hah. Kelakar la korangs.

And how long more can we go on like this? Im getting tired, not focused anymore. sheesh. I got to find myself soon, my projects, individual assignments are due in one and two weeks time. bah. drained/tired ok.

Photoshoots,



















and tell me how many frogs do I have to kiss
before I find my prince

Daughter to father,
I am broken but I am hoping
I am crying, a part of me is dying and
These are the confessions of a broken heart.


The body aches, bruised. The neck hurts so much. I never blamed you. But Im just hurt, dissapointed, angry at myself, at you. Why is it when the truth is being said one cant accept it? Why is it when one tries so hard to make things better it will turn out worse? Why is it when one's day seems to be perfect it will be ruined? Why can't one smile and mean it?


All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but, I feel scared

No matter how hard I try to explain things to you. You still wouldn understand my position. Maybe I am in the wrong to say what I said but that really comes from the bottom of my heart, something Ive been keeping inside for so long. And it breaks my heart cause I know I will hurt you.

And whatever you did wasnt the answer, the solution. Maybe you're trying to put some sense into my head, but that really isn't the way to do so. I wanted so much to look in your eyes, to hug you but I couldnt bring myself to it.

Things are not the same anymore. Im sorry. And all I could do now is to cry my sorrows away.


kau datang hadir sentuh hampaku
membuat ku tersenyum.

Kabhie Khushi Kabhie Ghum was fantastic. It's all about loving parents. No matter how angry, how naggy, how unreasonable parents are at you, they still love you. It's just their way of showing how much they love us. ah, I LOVE MY PARENTS. Ohh well, who doesnt right? I cant bear being seperated from either my parents.

and friends seek advices about their love life from me. ohh my, what do I know? Ive never been in love/r'ship my whole life. BUT BUT BUT im glad to help. That's the very least one can do, when a friend is in need, being there. heh.

and im not sleepy since i practically slept the whole day. sheesh. i cant wait for new years eve, kalau menjadilakan plan kite. ;)


and time shall tell you the story.

Family. No matter how irritated you can get with them, they'll just know the right way to make you smile in an instant. It's sad not being close to you anymore. Ive tried really hard but everytime when we're finally almost there, we'll be back to square one. And I always wonder why. I love you.

Friends. they leave wonderful memories in your heart. the beautiful adventure friends share outweighs those misunderstandings, fights friends had. And Im glad im surrounded with great, beautiful friends that are always there for me. That never fail to make me feel happy when Im with them. I need not mention names. You guys know who you are, and I want to thank all of you for being apart of my life.

A day to remember,


haha. sizzling hot!

















more pictures,




the toilet super nice!


and it all started with pool. heh.




and remember when you asked me what do I want for xmas? well, all I want for xmas is you. haha.


Aku hanya ingin mencintai,
Aku hanya ingin dicintai

Yesterday was a day that I will never forget. It was such a new experience for everyone there. But Im glad we were there for each other. Laughters, cries, snapping of photos, frangipani on head, al- majlis, starbucks, chaya-thaya, roof tops, awkward moments, panic moment filled the day.

We have so much to say and yet all we could do is keep everything inside. We're such good pretenders that it frustrates me. I cant wait for that one fateful day everyone of us explodes and say what they really want to. And how long more can one tolerates, how long more can one stops feeling guilty, how long more till the awkwarndness stop, how long more till we be like us back?

If there were really something happening, do not hide it. It complicates matter.


And you can't be that man that I adore.

the last paper was a KILLER, such heartbreaker. BUT BUT BUT im glad the papers are all done and over with. oooh-la-la!

one week hols with so many many tak terkire plans plus projects plus dance equals so little time. and i said yes to every single outings with friends. haha. selenger sungguh. ohh well, i want to celebrate and have fun to reward myself. heh.

im craving for nachos and chocolate chips all thanks to soundalike word and yummylicious picture. im missing my sec school friends. im happy that we still got alot of things to talk about despite not contacting for a long time. you're still the same old irritating you. hah.

i wish things hasnt turn out to be so confusing, complicated. there's alot of things we were never able to tell, speak up eventhough for obvious takya nak pakai torchlight utk bersuluh reasons there's alot of things hidden beneath each of us which awaits to be blown up.


something happened,
you will never understand.

It serves no effect on me anymore. Im sorry. Someone please knock some senses in my freaking head. And I dont know how many times I vow to myself to forget but I could not. Those painful memories keep replaying. I must learn to face my problems and not running away from it.

I tried to be the perfect daughter, sister, friend but I cant. It's very tiring to please everybody, to be what others expect you to be eventhough ironically, I long realised that nobody is perfect and nobody will ever be. and why do I even bother trying. bah.


love me for my imperfections.

Assignments done and over with. HAPPY ok. Dance was so tiring, lenguh kaki dan tangan ku. heh. But I had fun learning new steps. It's been awhile since we had a very tiring panting-panting practice.

I need to start studying soon. Like jangan terhegeh-hegeh macam kura-kura tapi cepat-cepat macam cheetah soon. I'll start on Saturday after getting enough sleep to last me 4 days of sleepless nights. bah.

I feel like a secondary school girl whenever I see you. I'll shriek and be in awwwed. Cuteness ok. haha. Im in like. heh.

People change. I change, you change, they change, we change. And it's saddening how changes brought us apart. I tried but it's very difficult for me to open up to you like I use to. I can see the efforts you are making to make conversations with me and Im sorry for ignoring but cant you see this things are just so difficult for me. Give me some time. I too want us to be like we used to cause at times I badly need your hug. A hug that have always matters to me, a hug from someone I truly love, a hug from a mum.


Kutatap wajahnya
Oh dia sungguh mempesona.

Short yet fun-fun-fun. And I never regretted following eventhough I had doubts initially. Highlight of the day, Amin being crowned DANCE KING of the night. Ohh well, he couldn have won it if it's not for our shouts ok. hehe. Toilet at Gotham was fuh, lawa! Taking pictures in there was gerek. If we could, we would dance our night away. Cup noodles, super big gulp, mashed potatoes and rice with gravy at 7-11. stupid stuffs friends do together. haha. thanks guys. aku sayang krangs!

I cant seems to agree with you. And you the same. It's been going on for awhile, our misunderstandings/non-stop bickerings. It has to stop. Do you think we need time away from each other? I feel like going away for awhile, maybe a week. Let me go ok? I dont want to start a fight with you anymore.

Im tired and I dont want to harbour feelings of dislike towards you and you and you and your little actions. It frustrates me.

I feel like a walking zombie. See me without make-up and you'll laugh at me, dark-dark-panda circles, ugly-ugly eye bags. I need my beauty sleep.


Look deep, if you want to know
Im not one who shows.

Things to do :

1) Fund HTM individual assignment
2) online quizzes and tutorials
3) "participate" in PBL discussions
4) final draft for Comm Skills
5) take note of lecture notes that are missing
6) Observer report
7) Integrated Marketing Project 1 IJ
8) Comm Skills reflective journal

5 down, 3 more to go.

I've started on IJ but I think I need to edit it from the start as I type crappy-aku-pun-tak-paham-ape-aku-tulis-mengaruts. urgh.

ok. I need to destress myself. YAY! Tmr kite party sampai lewat malam sikit eventhough Ive my Observer report to submit the next day. heh. Ohh well, sekali sekala. And im proud of myself, I got full marks for my online quiz. Jangan main-main. haha.

And God saved me from nearly getting a debarement for Retail Management. I was so lucky that tutorial was postpone till 10am. It was a narrow escape. alhamdulilah.

I miss us.


maybe all we need is a little faith
and love will come our way.

Tiada pernah ku rasakan apa yang terjadi
Semua yang kini ku alami untuk pertama kali
Tiada ku sangka dan tiada ku menduga
Rasa cintaku pada dirimu begini jadinya

Walauku mencuba untuk melupa
Namunku tidak berdaya
Terasa gelisah bila kau tiada
Kasihku inikah debaran cinta?


ku terperangkap dalam cinta yang tak pasti

The day was filled with laughters and more laughters. Mc D with Shafique was great. 20 chicken nuggets and a large ice tea. Yummy. Stories and more stories, gossips and more gossips. Now you know. heh. Thanks for accompanying me.

Town with Sharifah and Ili was super kekekness. Stupid sheeps and cow ads, ice-cream eating, Puncak and a cute guy. taking funny funny neoprints, teasing each other as we walked from Orchard to Esplanade, capturing stupid poses from the stops made, lying down on the floor looking at the sky, pinching each other arms. I had fun and a wonderful day.







HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY IRFAN!!



May you be in the pink of health, smiling and happy always. Stop being irritating and annoying eh. heh.

a girl just wanna have fun.

I went to IMP lecture, took out the notes put it on the table and when dozing off to lala-land and when I woke up, the lecture notes in front of me has been completed with the blanks being filled. Thanks Laymin. Have I mention that I love my groupmates? I hearts you girls.

I guess I have always been lucky/fortunate to have wonderful friends as my classmates that always remind me of important dates, giving me wake up calls when I ask for one and lending me their full set notes cause I never seems to have one. and I know you guys feel the same. hehe. And I havent even get started on Individual assignments/proposals that are due next week. fainted.

Things are not the same anymore. I feel distant from you. I want a hug from you dearest Mama. What do we do now? I love you.


It's empty tonight, and I'm all alone
get me through this one

I have never been angry at you. I have never hated you. I am only dissapointed in you. why? ohh well, take all the time in the world to calm yourself and sort your mind out. I understand that you need some peace but isnt that being selfish?

I tried putting myself in your shoes and I understand the hurt you're feeling but why not you do the same and put yourself in mine. only then, you will know how Im feeling. Do you know how hard it is to stay strong when you're weak, to smile and laugh when you're tearing inside?

However, Im grateful that I have wonderful siblings/cousins/friends that never stop caring about me. It hits me that no matter what will happen they will be there supporting me, cheering me up and giving me advises. Thanks for the ears, the warm and fuzzy hug, the shoulders and the advises.

I don't need anyone special to feel love.


no point waiting,
the time will come.

I shall put on a big smile and walk down the streets pretending things never happened and I am the most fortunate girl in the world.I shall play pretend my whole life. Pretend that I have got nothing to worry about with my faked faked smile. Pretend that I never know what tears are with my non-stop laughters.

You walk away and expect me not to do the same. how ironic.You want me to be strong for you. I am not strong. I need you. and you think by walking away things will be fine, things will be okay? it will not.

I dislike whatever you are doing. You started the whole thing first. YOU. and yes, i blame you for it. You want to know something? Eventhough I am not around often, my mind still thinks of these. and do you know how much I wish I never cared about things? But how could I, when the matter is something so close to my heart.

Be an adult and stop being childish. Look around you, we are affected by these. What makes you so sure we take this so easily? and those harsh words, it hurts so bad. thanks for putting me down and making me feel so low.


we shall play pretend.
shall we?

i want to move on.

a change.

you're the disease i want to get rid of. shoo shooo.

to start afresh, no disliking Dee.heh.

i want to smile and laugh like im the HAPPIEST girl in the world!

woohoooo!!

=)

it's weird how a short sms, an unexpected phonecall can drained the emotions out of me. and all i can do is smile. smile because a part of my life is breaking apart, smile because my heart aches thinking of home, smile because crying doesnt help anymore, smile because i need to be strong and smile because living in denial helps.

i need someone to be there for me. that someone who dont mind lending his ears for my non-stop ramblings.that someone who don't mind getting his shoulder soaked with my tears. that someone who dont mind reaching out his arms to give me a hug when i need them. just that someone.


where are you, Mr?

the same scenes was being played all over again. the same fight, the same quarrel, the same bickering. drained. im tired of all these drama. bleargh.

if only i could take away all the tears, the pain/hurtings my youngest brother's feeling i would gladly do so. i love my siblings. they're the reasons im still sane and smiling. monyets. heh.

i woke up at 1600 hrs. ohh my, i must be that tired. that's like soo late ok. ohh well, i needed it after so many late nights.

surveys are driving me insane. ive 40 more to go. ramly burger tastes soo freaking delicious when you're having your breakfast at 8.30 pm. Thanks Yan, i enjoyed the short meeting. now that i think of it, i want to ride the horse merry go round thingy. we go ok?

Kal Ho Naa Ho never fails to put a smile across my face. Saif Ali Khan is so super deduper cute. I want someone like Rohit, someone whom I can tell my whole life stories to. Tomorrow may not be, if only i live by that saying.

and so i want to let you know that no matter how hard i try to get over you, try to make your flaws the every reason not to like you, try to dislike every single bits about you, i simply cant. bah. and you know how hard it is? but then sometimes it's better not letting one's feeling known.

and I MISS these peoples soo much!


I miss Zila's aku malas nk layan.


I miss Syam and Tasha's craps/jokes that nvr fail to make me laugh.


I miss Ariff's and way he could find something funny for everything.



I miss my Yr 1s classmates. We need to have a gathering soon, short meet-ups at school not counted!


I miss Tisa's company.


I miss Faz and Hanisha. It's been ages since we last met. Gathering when Hanisha's get back to Spore ya.


and of all friends, i MISS Mar and the crazy moments we had the most!! Cpatin balik si. Gue rindu amat pada kamu. Bilain mau jappa-jappa lagi?


deep and meaningless,
you hit where it hurts

I could laugh and be so hyperly active-ish a minute and be so outofspace, in my own world the next. ohh my, i have no freaking idea on why im acting like that. I dont even know what are the reasons that have been bothering me. it freaks me out sometimes. I feel easily irritated nowadays. and you're doing such a good job getting on my nerves. thanks eh.

I think the problem lies in me. no matter how much I want to, Im scared. Im scared of being hurt, Im scared of being dissapointed, Im scared of being brought down, Im scared of being left alone, Im scared of being out of the feeling and realising it was a mistake. I rather leave first by ignoring than being walk out. I rather make their flaws the reason for me not to like them. it wouldn hurt me that way.


Seandainya telah engkau takdirkan, dia bukan milikku
Bawalah ia jauh dari pandanganku,luputkanlah ia dari ingatanku

bestfriends are the best. they hear your life stories and your non-stop rambling without complaining. they tell you the absolute truth about everything, they criticise your mistakes without putting you down, they put in senses to your head, they give you the shoulder and the warm and fuzzy hug. i love my bestfriends.

and i like this little game i am playing with me, myself and I. ah, who am i kidding?

HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY TO MY EVER SO IRRITATING YET AT TIMES SWEET SISTER HANIFAYANA!!




Ifa, Ifa, Ifa! Ohh how i LOVE to irritate the HELL out of you. hah. On your special day, I hope you get whatever you wishes for and be in the pink of health always. Insyaallah. Though we may have our EVERYDAY quarrels/shouting/bickerings, I want to thank you for the milo-ss you make for me everytime I ask for one, tolerating of my every command, giving in to me when I want some things, making me laugh when Im sad, hearing my every rantings and stories late at night, seeing me practice my dance when I know you dont want to and alot more things. and one more thing, you better take good care of my accesories/things whenever you use them eh. heh.

concentrate on your studies and have fun too, not too much ok. well, i dont want to ruin your day by my goin yadayadayada BUT you get what I mean ya. I LOVE YOU sister! muacks!


kau tak mungkin mengerti

Im such a bad person. im sorry to make you worry about me and making you feel that ive forgotten totally about you. i never intended to do that. never. it's not about the quantity of time we spend together but the quality. i love you and will always do.

Had lunch with Shafique and you know what, we should make this our every-wed-lunch thingy. so we could catch things up with each other. u update your stories, i'll update mine. heh. and thank you for listening to me going on and on. kau lah kwn aku yang terbaik tau.

And to Aida, Yan, Fan and Ili, thanks for the great night. Sorry for turning to silent mode for a short moment. Anyways, i so cannot wait for Saturday! Aida will be cooking!! Weeeee! I love you guys! muacks!!

=)


would you be my knight in shining armour?

♥ Diyanah
♥ 13 Nov 87


I forget my existence in a deep kiss with you