If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise


i chance upon this, and i find it very meaningful. so im sharing it with you guys, read it hor! walaupun it's veryvery long. it's worth the read, seriously.


A time comes in your life when you finally get it...When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening.

You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety, and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you; and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are...and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself; and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself; and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers...and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with; and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don’t know everything, it’s not your job to save the world...and that you can’t teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familiar love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable, or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love...and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms...just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK...and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands you come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect; and you won’t settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it’s OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can Handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn’t always fair, you don’t always get what you think you deserve; and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn’t punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It’s just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clear, clean water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself; and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever, settle for less than your heart’s desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

-Sonny Carroll


on a totally different note, do not forget to catch me ( HAHAH!), the SNT-ians of course performing for TP Rawks! later. jangan luper banner dan pom-pom nye ye! hahahah.


now we'll never know

and how can we quit something we never even tried?

2 events during the weekends= deadbeat tired us BUT nonetheless, it was fun having to spend the last weekends with them people. i enjoyed my time there, no kid but i just can't see myself working in such environment. no-ooo-oh! hehe.

anyhoos, after Iman Kidz Fiesta, we decided to chill at Esplanade. and i had a reallyreally great time with lots and lots of laughters. i wish i could be a little more faster cause i simply dont understand what they are saying! *sobs* and yes, toilet do fascinates me ok! haha. Esplanade, Marina Food Loft for grilled chicken, stupid games, stupid jokes, getting to each other and BOUNCE! ( hahahhaha!). it was a FAB-ulous time! and sumpah, i cant wait for Thursday! *dancing around*

and practice is sumpah penat nak mampus BUT i love the dance! wohooo! hehe.



Raya Fiesta,









Iman Kidz Fiesta,










formal


giler!




we're the TP students!

Singapura Poly students! haha










and and and


HAHAHA!

and we dance our night away.

A friend is someone who knows all about you, and still likes you



i am one HAPPY and a PROUD owner of a YSL makeupbracelet. *senyum macam orang giler*

BUT girls, it really doesn't matter, what matters is this friendship of ours. i treasure it alot because you girls are the closest set of friends i have in school. and im sorry for being a bitch, yes i do realised that. im sorry and thanks for tolerating me specially Cips and Ili. thank you soo much. aku sayang korangs sumer!

and cheers for this beautiful friendship. remember when we were having doubt that we'll stay friends for long? well babes, it's been a wonderful year. =)


it's the simplest things that makes life beautiful

it doesn't take much to realize that these simple moments, they are my happiness

it was a very sleepy day for me. work has been irritatingly tiring due to 2 events that's coming up and travels. sunnguh annoying! ohh wells, 7 more days and school here i come! *smiling ohh so broadly* but i will miss work for sho! ( haha) gosh, i will miss them ladies.

ive performance this Thursday for TP Rawks and im not even a bit confident about it. sheesh!! trainings have been love as always. and girls, we'll pull through this one eventhough we only have less that a week to train ok!

and and i want to thanks dearest Nina for the beautiful ohh so sweet scented candle with sweetsweet wordings. THANKS HOR! yes, i still received presents. haha. and talking about it, MANER PRESENT AKU? make sure korangs last and the best ok ( you ladies know who you are)! hehehe. =p

and to my lesbian partner in tarian,


HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY ADLIAH!!



YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! hahaha. eh budak, aku malas eh nak layan kau, nak withdraw last minute. pikir bagus? lain kali have the tendency to bilang aku siang-siang ok! sheesh! nasib mood aku baik kalau tak. ceh! biler Dee da start bebual. hehhe.

anyways, since it's your day. HAPPY 19th once again babe. May you be blessed with all the sweetest things in life. May you be in the pinkest of health always. insyaallah. da tua-tua tu jangan la nak menjengg/gonjeng/ketit ( HAHAHAH! ni la, kau ajar aku! hah) ok?

i love you bitch! *hugs kuat-kuat*

usah biar diriku disini seorang menunggu tanpa teman

it's sad to see everything fades away.




i came across these and it describe how i am feeling this instance.

"I've accepted that we can't be, but I've also accepted that you're going to be that one person I carry with me for the rest of my life, the one that's going to make my heart jump a little and my stomach tie up in knots no matter how happy I am and no matter how long it's been."

i hate nights like this, i really do.

and ohh, thank you.


if it's not what we're both looking for, we'll meet again someday

how about i'll be nothing, nothing at all to you?





Because we all need a little help sometimes. Someone to help us hear the music in our world.To remind us that it won't always be this way.


And you pray that you'll break free but nobody's listening

If you want to be happy, be.




My 19th BIRTHDAY celebrations was a BLAST! in short, i am a veryveryvery happy girl.

much thanks to everyone for everything. it was love! *hugs kuat-kuat*

so these is how I spend my birthday week with my loves.


Sunday

Changi Fiesta was sumpah very tiring but i had FUN and thanks for the sumpah LOUD birthday song. am touched ok!


my prettypretty collegues,











post birthday celebration with the beautiful bestfriends,







Monday

birthday with collegues were fun. thanks for not executing the bully Dee's R campaign and being extra nice. hehe! and and thanks for the blackforest cake and presents. it was LOVE!

during rehearsal for Salam Aidlfitri, Cips asked the MAG-ians around to sing me a birthday song. it was sweet hor but malu seh Dee. HAHA! after which, my lovely ladies, gave me a brownies cake with prettybeautiful cream on it. the sabo-menyabo was sungguhfun, thanks to Syafik who started it. terima kasih la eh! simpang with them babes were LOVEs.



LOVE!

Tuesday

after a short rehearsal, i headed down to Starbucks and met up with my darling bestfriends and my favourite busok. thanks korangs for the oreo cheesecake which is soo sweet (sweetstuffs sungguh ar korangs! hehe) and the presents. eventhough it was short, it was love having to see all of you again specially Shaf.





my loves!


Wednesday

Salam Aidlfitri was fun, i enjoyed myself. everything went smoothly with minor glitches. and i want to take the opportunity to say a HUGEHUGE THANK YOU to Wawa, Lina, Salai, Ash and Indah for continuously helping and supporting us. thanks korangs! and girls, you did great ok! after which lepak-ing at Habibie til the wee hours were gereks walaupun satu-satu da start bebual merepeks. *sings to Mahani sombong, mahani sombong, mahani sombong* hahaha. and and thanks to you girls specially Sha and Cips for taking care of the group when am late or not there. thanks korangs. and to Irfan and Aida thanks for the presents. aku sayaaang korangs sumer!


Saturday

I guess i really did have a hell lot of fun. the event that took place at ChongPang was extremely enjoyable. HAHA! after which, i headed off to MOS and i had a FAB night! the trip wasnt that BAD as i thought it would be. thanks busok for everything! and thanks Ariff for coming! *flying kisses*


Chong Pang CC,












i adore Faiz! cute!


and when Tomok went "Eh bangun la, kasi die duduk sini" to me! HOHOHO! mcm keluarga eh? WAKAKAKAKA!

MOS



aku hearts sama korangs!













Sunday

the bestfriends and me were supposed to celebrate my day and i was supposed to treat them to Fig & Olive BUT since i ran out of cash, the treat will be postpone til i get my next pay in a week's time. ohhhh LOVELY! but we still meet up and have stupid fun. i love you girls, like deep deep ok.

after which, i headed off to Parkway with the family and had dinner there. Changi with them loves was sungguhsungguh cinta! i love my family, thanks for everything!











Monday

my birthday celebration with my favourite interns was LOVE! thanks girls for the suprise, the embarassing bringing me around blindfolded, the second cake, the lancome perfume! i almost cried and looked how i turn red. HAHA! it was sungguh unexpecting ok. i love you girls and ladies, 11 more days! we shall end this with a BOMB! hehehe. im very happy and i love you guys! *in cherade mode* haha






my favourite interns! ehhe












sungguh memalukan!





*senyum macam orang giler*


when you walked away, it just shattered

♥ Diyanah
♥ 13 Nov 87


I forget my existence in a deep kiss with you